2 Corinthians 5:7

I'm not just a whimsical figure

who wears a charming suit and

affects a jolly demeanor. You know,

I... I... I'm a symbol. I'm a symbol of the

human ability to be able to suppress

the selfish and hateful tendencies that

rule the major part of our lives.

If... you can't believe, if you can't

accept anything on faith, then you're

doomed for a life dominated by doubt.

Miracle of 34th Street

Kris Kringle

If any of you have seen this movie, it is great. Simply amazing. One of my favorite Christmas movies. This year while watching it I was really trying to figure out why I would consider it one of my favorites. Of course the season, the joy, along with all of the other typical Christmas feelings are part of the reason but there is a bigger reason. The quotes like the one above. Not just the quote but the meaning that fills the words. My relationship with God is by faith. Faith is one of the most important things in my life. I can always hold onto it and it's something that nobody can take from me. Its something that I can only CHOOSE to lose. If you haven't seen the movie and want to you might want to stop reading now because I am going to go into a little depth. The movie is about a man named Kris Kringle who starts working as the Santa Claus at Cole's Department Store where Dorey is on staff. Kris Kringle gets framed and put on trial for battery and his mental stability is questioned after claiming to be the real, genuine Santa Claus. Brian Bedford, Dorey's friend, is Kringle's attorney and it is not up until the final moment when Susan, Dorey's daughter, helps sway the judge's opinion. She goes up to the stand with a Christmas card addressed to the judge. Although the judge is not thrilled with the interruption in his courtroom, he opens it. Within the card there is a dollar bill however, its not an ordinary dollar bill. The words "In God We Trust" have been CIRCLED with a red marker. Due to this simple reminder the judge gives his final statement by saying that in a country founded on the premise of God, something we cannot physically see, we cannot actually say there is no Santa Claus. This is a huge part of the reason I love this movie. Merry Christmas Everyone!! May it be full of laughter, blessings, and family/friends!

2 Corinthians 5:7

"We walk by faith, not by sight."

Schlove Christmas.

This Song and this Video Rock My Christmas Spirit World.

I will do a serious post soon, I promise.

But for now.... Enjoy.

Time.

1. “It’s when you hold eye contact for that second too long or maybe the way you laugh. It sets off a flash and our memories take a picture of who we are at that point when we first know “This is love.”

And we clutch that picture to our hearts because we expect each other to always be the people in that picture. But people change. People aren’t pictures. And you can either take a new picture or throw the old one away.”

My Finals Motivation

“I may still not know what I want to be when I grow up, but I do know that someday I want to live in a house filled with my books and travel souvenirs. And the walls that aren’t covered in bookshelves will be covered with photos of my family and friends. When I leave the house I will be going to a job I love, and I’ll return to a person I love. So, that’s my dream I’m working on.” ~Amber Morley

Joy

The past couple of months have been rough. Real rough. Heartwrenching; heartbreaking... just rough. And like I said in my earlier posts I have wallowed in regret, sadness, hurt, anxiety, fear, etc. All of the stupid emotions that hold you back, keep you from living a beautiful life. But for some reason joy just hit me like hurricane yesterday. I dont know why. I dont care why. Its a blessing. I have needed this feeling; this contentment for some time now and I finally got it. Thank you Lord.

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”

Speck

Right Here

“You are not there. Somewhere in the future, suffering for something that hasn’t happened yet. You are not there, in a place where all your worries manifest. You are not there. Somewhere in the past, reliving your old mistakes and regrets. You are not there, in a place where memories resurrect. You are here, right here.”

Thankful.

Cliche time to write this post, right? Wrong. There is still an hour until Thanksgiving Day... Ya know, the day set aside to be thankful; the day we celebrate out thankfulness surrounded by friends and family.

So yes, I am thankful. I am thankful for where I have been. I am thankful for where I am. Most importantly I am thankful for where I am going.

But life isn't easy. Never has been; never will be. But "each day is a gift not a given right". As Peter Pan responded when Wendy asked if his adventures were over, he said: "No, oh no, life is an adventure." Not only is it an adventure; its a blessing and I do not need a single day of the year deemed thanksgiving to acknowledge that.

I am thankful for my family and friends who always believe in me, encourage me, rejoice and suffer with me, and who love me. I am thankful for God and for the life he has given me, the eternal life he offers me, and the opportunities/path He has blessed me with. Looking forward to the end of the semester and looking forward to what is in store for me in the spring. And let me tell you one last thing.... I will be thankful every day, each and every step of the way.

“We’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes, we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.”

Fresh.

Last week we were FINALLY sent the applications for the Eesti Summer 2010 Missons Internship. I am already getting so pumped up about it. My application is almost complete and I am waiting on my reference verifications. $5,000 isn't a big deal, right? Nahhhhh. Officially started setting aside money. Goodbye spending my paychecks on shopping. TOTALLY worth it.

Anyways, today has been a good day. Why? Because I have had decent conversations with Bethany, Andrus, Meredith, Markus, Johanna, Kim, and many other friends associated with Estonia. Talking to anyone from the experience is like a breath of fresh air. It's like all the things that aren't going my way or that I'm not enjoying are pushed out of my line of sight. Estonia serves the same purpose for my life as windshield wipers do a car's front window. Today is rainy, I am sick, and its Monday...meaning I have class from 9:30-6:15 with only a small break for lunch. But today God is making sure my vision stays clear. Estonia reminds me of my purpose. I guess it is one of God's tools in my life to remind me that He loves me, that I can trust Him, that He WANTS me serving FOR Him. It never fails. And it won't ever fail.

Anyways, just what is going on in my head right now while Im in class.... bored.

Thursday I am going to see Harry Potter 7 at Midnight with Bethany and Sam Cole.

Beffknee made me aware that Matthew 6:21 is in Harry Potter.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be.

Oh Eesti, Get Ready... Even Harry Potter is reminding us of you.

We WILL be back.

Burnt out.

My candle is barely burning off of remains; I'm holding on to the last few threads of the rope I should be climbing. The way I have been going through everyday the past two months has led to this. This position I am in where I have nobody else to blame but myself for falling flat on my face. When you hit rock bottom you have a choice to make: You can either lie there, remaining face against cold stone pavement or you can rise up above the low point. Baby steps advised. "So what will it be?" That is what I repeatedly asked myself this week. The first half of the week I felt incapable of moving at all but, as the week progressed, my thoughts slowly starting shifting from pessimistic to optimistic. I know my life's truth and I could grasp and it hold it dear to my heart or I could run from it, or better yet, ignore it. The mind can be a tough battle. I don't even understand my own a majority of the time. So, I ran across the phrase "Dum spero, spiro" meaning as long as I breathe, I hope. I forced myself to remember all of the things that created joy in my life; well, the ones that still apply to my life now. Mainly I thought of Estonia, meaning I thought of God. I thought of what emotions I felt while I was there. The evident presence of God that was felt there. The joy, grace, and mercy I witnessed and gladly fell victim too. Then I preceded to think of what I have going on in my life now. School, track, and partying/hanging out with friends has been my full focus. Was God in there? I still believed but, no. Then I thought of the other two activities I am involved in: College Life and OphiA. Estonia was extremely similar to Young Life's purpose. Both had a training and we covered the exact same things with the focus being revealing a life with Christ to all young people in order to ignite a fire for God in their life. OphiA is a community service sorority. Although its a great group of girls, my heart is just not there. My heart is with Young Life and Estonia. Young Life is my Estonia here at home in the states. So my decision has been made. I am not dropping OphiA because I do not like it or because it isn't a good organization, my heart and calling is just with Young Life. I have to choose one so that I can put my whole heart into. Goodbye OphiA, goodbye partying. I have made my final decision and I am not going to rob myself of what I know I can experience in my life. This is my first baby step of rising to the light.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:14-16

And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
Romans 5:5

"Dum Spiro, Spero"

Stuck.

Nothing Matters.

Because nothing matters

Just tell yourself

Again and again

Nothing matters

But what we offer in love

LGMH

Last night at work a guy called asking if he could give his credit card information to the manager in order for his girlfriend to buy shoes. The girls house had burnt down, destroying everything in her room. At the checkout the girl had two pairs of shoes and the boyfriend on the phone told the manager to tell the girlfriend to go pick out more. Love in chaos gives me hope.

Submission..

"Submission is the

ability to lay

down the

terrible burden of

always needing

to get our

own way."

I wish life had a sound track like in movies.

Blessed is this Life and I'm going to Celebrate being Alive

Matthew 6:34

Captivating

• Seriously, one of the best books ever for women. I read it once back in the spring and I am reading it again now this fall. This decision was made at House Church in the first few weeks of school when two of the freshman girls on my team stole my heart. They are seeking God and are a lot stronger women than I was my first year of college but I know that they have a lot to learn along the way and that in return, I will learn from them. When their roommate heard about what we were doing she joined in, along with one of the other girls from college life training. Two weeks ago we did testimonies and this past Wednesday we began the study on the book. In an hour and a half we covered eight pages. The conversation was great. The girls were vulnerable, bold, and honest. God never ceases to amaze me. The timing of what we read the other day was perfectly fitting for whats going on in my life right now. We talked about what standards society and the church place on women. We talked about the desires of our hearts for the year and spiritually overall. Here is some of the passages that I really enjoyed:

"There is more to be done. More to be known. More to be healed. More to be released. More love to receive and more love to pour out. People today are desperate for meaning. They long to know that it is possible to live a life that matters. They are hungry for truth and dying for thirst of the Living Water. There is no greater mission on Earth than to be part of God's great invasion and bring it to them; being Jesus to them! But first, always first, we must bring OURSELVES to Jesus."

"Your heart as a woman is the most important thing about you... Your FEMININE heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities- As a REFLECTION of GOD'S own HEART."

I cannot wait what God is going to reveal in this study. If you read this pray for these girls:

Haley Carson

Heather Morris

Lauren Hutchinson

Kelsey Williams

Oh yeah, and not to mention Shanderaya Rogers.

God is chasing after her heart like no other.

She is the fourth roommate who was a Muslim up until a couple of years ago.

She came in the room when we were talking about our desires, sat down, and shared with us how she is on a mission to find a religion that means something so she can stick with it.

She is the only one of the four not on the track team and got placed there because there were no other freshie girls to fill the spot.

Coincidence? Yeah right.

GOD IS GONNA DO WORK!

Captivating

• Seriously, one of the best books ever for women. I read it once back in the spring and I am reading it again now this fall. This decision was made at House Church in the first few weeks of school when two of the freshman girls on my team stole my heart. They are seeking God and are a lot stronger women than I was my first year of college but I know that they have a lot to learn along the way and that in return, I will learn from them. When their roommate heard about what we were doing she joined in, along with one of the other girls from college life training. Two weeks ago we did testimonies and this past Wednesday we began the study on the book. In an hour and a half we covered eight pages. The conversation was great. The girls were vulnerable, bold, and honest. God never ceases to amaze me. The timing of what we read the other day was perfectly fitting for whats going on in my life right now. We talked about what standards society and the church place on women. We talked about the desires of our hearts for the year and spiritually overall. Here is some of the passages that I really enjoyed:

"There is more to be done. More to be known. More to be healed. More to be released. More love to receive and more love to pour out. People today are desperate for meaning. They long to know that it is possible to live a life that matters. They are hungry for truth and dying for thirst of the Living Water. There is no greater mission on Earth than to be part of God's great invasion and bring it to them; being Jesus to them! But first, always first, we must bring OURSELVES to Jesus."

"Your heart as a woman is the most important thing about you... Your FEMININE heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities- As a REFLECTION of GOD'S own HEART."

I cannot wait what God is going to reveal in this study. If you read this pray for these girls:

Haley Carson

Heather Morris

Lauren Hutchinson

Kelsey Williams

Oh yeah, and not to mention Shanderaya Rogers.

God is chasing after her heart like no other.

She is the fourth roommate who was a Muslim up until a couple of years ago.

She came in the room when we were talking about our desires, sat down, and shared with us how she is on a mission to find a religion that means something so she can stick with it.

She is the only one of the four not on the track team and got placed there because there were no other freshie girls to fill the spot.

Coincidence? Yeah right.

GOD IS GONNA DO WORK!

Valge Klaar

So yesterday I got a text during my 9:30 class from one of my best friends Meredith. It read "Hey, I have something to give you when you get out of class. Im outside at the tables." I go outside to the tables in the center of the business building, find her, and she hands me a VALGE KLAAR! For those of you who don't know what this means, Valge Klaar is an Estonian soda. It comes in a clear bottle with a green label and is apple flavored. Although insignificant to most people it meant the world to me. You cannot get Valge Klaar here. Viljar had sent Meredith a huge box full of them. I got to sip on a piece of Estonia all throughout my day yesterday. Just by carrying the bottle around throughout all of my classes, it opened up room to talk about my trip. So many people were curious and weren't hesitant in asking what it was. It was so great. I was able to reminisce on my experience there and inform people of the country and what goes on in Eesti.

Ma Armistan sind, Eesti. I miss you.

I filled out my first form so that I can reunite with you next summer.

A soda blessed my day.

Come be the fire inside my heart.

Isaiah 43:18

Exodus 14:14

Water

In Estonia I became aware of the fact that I take water for granted. Here, it is abundant. There are water fountains pretty much everywhere and water is free in restaurants. In Estonia, water is available but not without a price. At restaurants it is not free and they do not believe in free refills. I have never felt so deprived of water in my life. At one restaurant, for example, a glass of water was 200 kroons whereas milk was 100 kroons and coke was 15o kroons. A coke was less money than water? It just did not make sense to me. I found myself more thirsty for water than I have ever been. Coke became my Estonian water.. I drank more coke the 13 days I was gone than I probably have in the past 3 years combined. I am not a big soda fan. Another reason Coke was better there was because it was usually in glass bottles. Something about the glass bottle makes it so much better.
So, I was thinking about all of this last night and thinking about how thirsty I was for water and I began thinking about how I had been thirstier for something else. For God's presence, for Him to unveil His truths, for Him to show me Something Beautiful, and for Him to reveal His love in a way I was yet to experience. In both my personal trip journal and here, on my blog, I asked God for challenges and challenge me He did. Not to boast, but I rose to the challenges... well, let me put it in a better way: I forced myself to rise to the challenges to allow Him to quench my thirst for once. He quenched the thirst I had and brought about a newer and stronger thirst. I enjoy this thirst though. I am excited about it because it is one that has never been aroused in me before. Its a thirst in the deepest depths of my heart. Then I had another realization. I have taken HIS thirst for granted. Spiritual resources and people of faith are also abundant here, in comparison to Estonia. It is more common to be believe in God here than it is in Estonia, a place where less than one percent of the people believe in God. I have taken these things for granted and allowed myself to remain thirsty for small things when those thirsts could have been quenched a while back. So the question I have inside of my head and the one I am going to present to you is: Why be thirsty when we can choose to allow God to drench us in His love? Especially when a newer and greater thirst will be revealed afterwards; one that the Lord is always willing to delightfully satisfy?

Just a thought.

"Oh Come ON!"

"After they prayed, the place where they were meeting was shaken.
And they were filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke the word
of God Boldly."

Acts 4:31

This happened in Estonia. Exactly the way it is written in the bible. It was the night of the labyrinth. Our small groups went through the labyrinth and afterwards we, as leader, were supposed to be available in the main session room for them. Many of the students came through the labyrinth broken and hurting. We sat down with a lot of them individually and they spilled their hearts out to us, in turn, breaking us. After talking to them we PRAYED over and with them. That night, the main session room WAS SHAKEN. Kids were FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT. Dead serious, like I have never witnessed before. Rejoicing, praising, worshipping, crying, convulsing, etc. And the campers SPOKE BOLDLY. That's right, not us, but the campers. It was insane; awesomely insane. Incredible. Campers that we weren't even sure if they were Christians started pouring out gospel and encouragement and healing over not only the other campers, but over us and the interns. GLORY FEST is what we call it. Now, after reading this verse I am struck with amazement. It was like we experienced part of the bible word for word from that verse. I am stunned. The verse fits perfectly, as you can now agree with since it has been explained. I hope you are in awe too.

Meet Juudit

If you could imagine what an angel looks like what the angel look like? Well, the American team is convinced that Juudit looks like an angel. She is gorgeous, loves God, and innocent. If you had a better idea of what an angel looks like let me know but we are all convinced this is it.

Its Offical

While I was in Estonia God overtook my heart with feeling for the country. He tenderly started pushing a calling of possible interning over there for the whole summer next year and confirmed it in multiple ways before I left. After talking to my parents tonight it is official. Next summer I am returning to Eesti to intern alongside my new brothers in Christ, Innar and Andrus. It will cost $4,000 to go but I am not worried about collecting the money because God will provide and there are ten long months to collect it. I am going to do whatever I have to to earn this money. Babysit, work for my dad, possibly get a new job, send support letters, and do a couple of fundraisers throughout the year. If you are reading this and feel led to donate money let me know. If you want a letter or info about fundraisers let me know. If you are willing to pray for it... please get started, you dont have to let me know if you dont want to. ha.

Anyways, I am struggling with being back. When I say that Estonia has a portion of my heart dont take it lightly. My heart is broken for Estonia, yet joy is brought to me through thinking of my trip and new found friendships. There are things that have just been started over there and God is going to be doing some big things in the future. The kids at our camp are the future of the country. God has chosen some kids with big hearts so Estonia better watch out. Gosh, I am ready to be back. God is good. And as Sam Cole has taught me, "God does not need me. He doesnt need me at all but, he WANTS me."

Lightening

I will never look at thunderstorms the same way. They reveal the power of God and the beauty of his power. Tuesday night these pictures were taken during the storm. The Americans were worshipping and when we returned to the main session room all of the lights were off with all of the people at camp admiring the storm. It was the night Henri became a believer. The night he realized he had been saved. He was shock when God gave me the privilege of revealing this to him. God wanted Henri in His army and He got him that night. As I said, the room was pitch black. All I could see of Henri during this talk was his face when lightening lit up the sky allowing small portions of light to stream through the windows. His facial expressions went from neutral to joyful. I have never been so flooded with emotion than this specific moment, and the week in Estonia altogether. My God IS greater. My God IS stronger. My God IS like NO other.

Something Beautiful

We arrived back in Atlanta yesterday around 4:30. Chickfila was on my mind so after saying goodbye to the most incredible team ever, my mom took me to dinner at Chickfila. We ate at the one back in Kennesaw so that Kimmie, my roomie, could meet up with us as well.

Last night I tried to stay awake but ended up falling asleep before 10 only to awake this morning at 6 am. I couldn't go back to sleep because my body still wanted to function on Estonian time. It was between one and two there. So I got on facebook to see who was up there. I got to talk to a few of the guys which made me miss them an enormous amount. Anyways, after that I took a bath, started laundry(in the washer and dryer kimmie surprised me with), and then headed to Chickfila.

I am currently at chickfila. Yes, I have been here twice since 4 pm yesterday, a little pathetic, I know. So I just ate not one, but two breakfast meals. NOM NOM YUM. haha camp joke. There is free wifi here so I brought along my computer to upload pictures and just chillax. Wifi is everywhere Estonia and for the most part it is always free. Its even on there buses. Everything is going to remind me of Estonia for a while.

The trip went by entirely too fast. This post is not about anything specific but to let you know that Estonia posts are going to continue. Small details and experiences I remember. If you read my blog while I was gone you know I wanted God to challenge me while I was there and challenge me he did. There will be some posts about that. About what I learned about myself. Some might just be pictures reminiscing. I wish I was there right now with Triinu, Juudit, Kim, Markus, Martin, Henry, and many others.

The song Something Beautiful by Need to Breathe was on of my two favorites throughout the trip. The other being Our God, originally sung by Christ Tomlin. The reasons for the second song will be another post entirely so lets get back to Something Beautiful:

Estonia is my Something Beautiful.
Triinu is a specific Something Beautiful God blessed me with while being there.

Ma armastan sind, Eesti.
You have a large portion of my heart.
God drowned me in Himself while I was there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=en45u0POegQ

Broken

I cannot spend too much time on here tonight because tomorrow we send the campers home. Right now I am sitting with Mere, Bethany, and SamSam. We are righting letters for the mailboxes each camper has. Last night was the best night of my life. I am not saying it like other people though. The words that I said are a genuine, honest, and true statement. It was the GREATEST night of my life thus far. God gave me the opportunity to witness someone accepting Christ. He allowed me to be the one to help him through it. His name is Henri and I am so proud of him. When he made the decision we were in the middle of a thunderstorm. The lights were off and after he said he accepted Christ there was a flash of lightening. The joy in his face was indescribably. After praying with him I couldn't stop crying.

Tonight we had a labyrinth for the campers. There were seven stations, the last being that they could light a candle on a cross and make a decision to accept Christ. The American Team knew that the labyrinth was going to make emotions surface but we were no where close to being prepared for what God had in store for the night. I cannot write about all of it on my blog because there is too much but, our new Estonian friends opened up. They poured out their hearts, believers and non believers alike. Half of my night was spent in tears. Tears of happiness, anger, hurt, sympathy, etc. A blog post cannot do tonight justice when it comes to an explanation. But the night became even more incredible. More than half of the room joined in prayer and song and dance. There was straight up heartfelt worship for 4+hours, not including the main session and labyrinth itself. The holy spirit filled the room.

"This is no longer English Camp but God's camp" -Janos

We were all feeling extremely weak Sunday night. I thought I was alone in the feeling but the feeling was mutual among all of us. Yesterday when talking with Riine we mentioned 2nd Corinthians 12:9-10 we did think about it in reference to ourselves but God hit us real hard with that verse this week. He used our weakness to bring glory to His kingdom.

If you want to know more details about the past two nights specifically lets talk in person. Coffee date. Lunch date. You name it.

Meet Irrene

If you are looking at my blog it more than likely means that you are close enough to me to know I am on a mission trip in Estonia right now. Well Meet Irrene (I might have killed the spelling of her name). Irrene is one of the campers in my small group. Let me tell you something about her: She is beautiful physically and spiritually. Today, she opened up to Sam and I about how her heart is broken for her friends that do not know Jesus. It brought her to tears and she was ashamed of her tears. We explained to her that her hurt is out hurt; that when one part of the body suffers, the whole body suffers. If you are reading this I am asking you to pray, whether you are reading this while I am actually in Estonia or even if it is after I have returned home. Pray for Irrene that she finds confidence knowing that she is a light. Pray that she trusts in God to give her the courage to speak up when He needs her to. Because God's timing is perfect pray that she also trusts that when He gives her the opportunity to disciple she does so with boldness. Sam and I both know God has great plans for this young woman.

Joy

The pictures below: The first one is during the camp dance. The second is pins we made. The left one says "Go fart in the corner". Gross, I know, but they really like fart jokes. The one on the right means "Shut up" followed by Americans are cool. Im pretty sure most of them think we are wild and crazy (in a fun way). Then the last one is during a game at main session.

Joy is the main word I would use to describe the camp so far. There is so much of it. God's presence is evident. I honestly can say I have not felt this kind of happiness in a long time, maybe not even ever. That doesnt mean that I am not happy though. I have a great life, great family, and great friends. Its a different type of joy. A group of strangers came together two days ago and I feel like I have known all of these people for so long.

NEVER stop spreading the good news

We barely have service at camp but I found it long enough to do a quick update. Last night was the camp kick off. They campers arrived, we played games, ate dinner, and hung out. When I asked God to challenge me He definitely kept it in mind. The first small group session was extremely disheartening. We were prepared for campers that are not believers and prepared for one sided conversations. Well, last night I felt like a failure because everything that I had prepared for in the conversation wasn't really relevant because all of the people in my group are already believers AND were quiet. I went to sleep last night feeling incapable.

This morning I woke up and the emotion of doubting that I can do this was still lingering. We went to breakfast then had main session followed by small groups. Right before main session started I read in Acts 5 that we should never stop spreading the good news that Jesus is Christ. Thanks for the slap in the face God. I needed that one. Anyways, the verse was super encouraging. The lesson this morning was about Rahab and how God used her to bring His glory. In small groups we discussed her courage and bravery. She risked it all; she risked her life. God used a prostitute serve Him. He will use anyone He wants to. What people think is impossible, He will make impossible. After discussing the days lesson we talked about what we want this week from our group. We decided that each of us will share our testimony and we will all pray together. I went first, stepping way out of my comfort zone. I am also not big on praying out loud over people but when everyone is our group did, leaving me out, I knew I had to. Another good challenge. Afterwards I talked to Sam about what I had been struggling with internally. She is such encouraging person and pulled me further out of my slump. I love her so dearly and we have only been hanging out four days.

Today my group was in the Superhero English Environment which was a blast. Triinu, one of the girls in my group, and I created Princess Cookie, our hero. Haha. We played volleyball America vs USA.... we were losing so bad that they were giving us pity points. Then volleyball turned into dart volleyball. SO AWESOME. The whole "not speaking any Estonian" thing... not happening. Its awesome but weird at the same time, especially if you are the only American around.

Well, its time to get off and get ready for dinner.

Love everyone that is keeping updated!!

Redeem

Today was training in Tallinn. This is going to be short post because I really want to play phase 10 right now. So here are my random statements that made up my day.

Our Estonia leaders are SO amazing and talented.

Redeem is the theme of our camp.

God already began challenging me. I am so thankful.

Forrest Berries: YUMMM.

Andrus and I downed a liter of milk in less than ten minutes.

I have had more Coke(the drink) since I have been here than I have had the past few years combined.

Blueberry Crunch White Chocolate is one of my new favorite candies.

Goodnight.

Love you guys!

The blog posts this week will be more in depth.

God and Gifts

After a nine hour flight to Frankfurt, a four hour layover, and a two hour flight to Tallin WE HAVE ARRIVED. This post is going to be my first journal entry which was on the first portion of the flight. Haha, I didnt even make it to Estonia before God was already at work. He is THAT good.

So, we are on the flight watching movies and talking when we notice this guy creeping on people in the back(we didnt know if he actually knew the people or not but it turns out he did). Anyways, I started being a goof, messing around, making odd faces whenever he would look our direction. Then when he began walking towards the back of the plane, returning to his seat, I noticed he had a KSU Day shirt on. KSU? As in Kennesaw State University? Where I go? I couldn't believe it. I mean, yeah the starting point was in Atlanta but I wondered what the odds were of another Kennesaw student going to Germany on the same day. Anyways, about an hour later I had to go to the bathroom. I was going to try to avoid using the airplane potty but I guess God really wanted me to walk up to the bathroom at that time so He made the urge INTENSE. Haha, sorry if that is too much information. When I went up to the bathrooms that same guy was standing next to another lady. Not wanting to make it awkward I asked the obvious question "So, you go to Kennesaw?" His answer: yes. Duh Tricia. But the question turned into conversation and this is what I found out. The guy was with a group of people going on a misson trip with ISF meaning International Sports Federation. His trip was to Kazakistan where they were going to hold sports camps for kids. The woman standing next to him, whose name I found out was Cheryl, heads groups like this all throughout the year. The organization takes groups of people, particularly athletic teams, to run athletic camps in different countries. I mentioned being on the track team at KSU and Cheryl seemed pretty psyched, even more so after finding out that I want to go on a mission trip to Kenya in the future. She ended up giving me a brochure and they have a trip next summer in Kenya. CRAZY, right? I thought so. I have wanted to go to Kenya since I was in the 9th grade. I think there may be meaning to God's timing. I mean think about it... a mission in Kenya playing sports with kids? YES PLEASE. I'm in. Well, thats all I am going to say about that. After Estonia I am going to start praying about it.

Now, more about our first few hours in Estonia. We got here around 6 PM, 11 PM back in the ATL. Innar came and picked us up from the airport and took us back to our hotel to get settled in and freshen up before dinner. We are in Tallin for training tomorrow then going to camp Sunday morning. We walked to dinner from our hotel, the roads and buildings are GORGEOUS. The atmosphere is refreshing. The city is exhilarating. After dinner, we toured the city a little bit with Innar, Andres, and Sam. The tour was brief but we have next weekend to toodle some more after we debrief from camp. We just jammed a little to Andres playing the guitar in a mini worship sesh and now we are getting ready for bed.

Travelling complete.

First Night in Estonia: Fantastic.

Today was great.

God is greater.

And to my number one blog follower... I love you momma. =]

Estonia: I cannot wait to meet you tomorrow.

July 22nd, you are finally here. Today I finish the last of my finals for summer classes and head to the airport. Takeoff is around 6. Estonia HERE WE COME! This trip has been so highly anticipated since February that it doesn't seem real; dreamlike in a way... That is how good of a day today is and will continue being despite not being completely compared for my math final. Pray for that. Haha.

Anywho, our first flight is to Germany then next to Tallin, the capital of Estonia. We will train in Tallinn Saturday and head to camp in Kuressaare. Exciting, right? We are partnered with Josiah Ventures English camps along with the local church. Our job is to help the Estonian teens learn to interact using English, establish relationships with them, LOVE on them, and hopefully plant a seed of interest for Christ.

Tallin (The capital where training will be)

Kuressaare (The location of camp)

Pray that God uses us to take over these cities for his kingdom and that we bring Him glory in all of our words, thoughts, and actions while we are over there. We have heard some stories from Sam, the summer intern, who is over there. GOD IS MOVING. There is no doubt.

My Team:
Meredith DeAnda
Dillon Martin
Bethany Deskins
Michael Hartman

Thank you to everyone who has been praying and supporting us!
We would not be going without you guys.

Love One Another

"(16)This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his
life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
(17)If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in but has no
pity on him, how can the love of God be on him? (18)Dear children, let us not love
with words or tongue but with the actions and in truth. (19)This then is how
we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in
His presence (20)whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our
hearts and He knows everything.
(21)Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God
(22)and receive from Him anything we ask because we obey his commands
and do what pleases him. (23)And this is his command: to believe in the name
of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded
us. (24)Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them.
And his is how we know that he lives in us: We know it
by the Spirit he gave us."

Yesterday I met Kelly DeWitt. We had lunch. We began our relationship as sisters in Christ. Let me tell you this: She is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. She invited me to her high school girls' bible study. We read the verses above (1 John 3:11-24). Kelly made it a point that "Love is commanded of us, not asked." A COMMAND. One straight from God, himself. Caroline, one of the girls, told us a quote she heard about love: "How can you love God who you cannot actually see if you cannot love the people of the world who you can see because they are tangible." I liked it, obviously because I can remember it and I also have it written down in my journal. If we believe in and love God, we can (and must with it being a command) love everyone else in the world. Yeah, people might be different or weird or they might have offended you or hurt your feelings... Get over it. Last fall at Midtown church in Columbia the preacher has a sermon series called Tranformation. He talked about our enemies and how the ultimate power against them is love follwed by forgiveness. You love because Christ died on a cross in the ultimate act of love dying for our sins... and our enemies sins. So if Christ has forgiven them why should we continue carrying negativity against them? We shouldnt. So forgive them. Get over it. Move on. LOVE.

Kelly also showed us the three promises of this passage:
1) Confidence in Christ (19-20)
2)Ask and Receive (22)
3)He Abides in Us, We in Him (24)

The Condition:
We Obey Him.
We forgive.
We know his power.
We love.
We Trust.

To Be Graceful In A Time of Panic

Okay, this may seem totally random. But hey, the word random is a prefect description of me, kinda like my parents thought it was totally random that I wanted to go to Estonia. So let's make random relevant.

Today when I was driving home from church I had to hit the breaks to prevent myself from becoming a bambi killer or as one of the guys from Blue Collar would say "making fast food from hitting a deer with his truck". There was nobody driving behind me so I just sat there and watched the deer jump off into the woods. At first, the deer had been walking slowly but when it recognized my car coming it sped up. By the time my car came to a complete stop it was off the road heading towards the trees. Like I said, I sat and observed it for a good thirty seconds until it disappeared. The deer went into a panic when recognizing my car. In the midst of panic I noticed that the deer remained graceful. I know I have probably rarely or never been graceful during trouble but what if I could act like that? What if that is how I act next time Satan attempts to stir up fear in a situation? And even is he is successful with fear, what if I stay strong with my faith and prevent it from prevailing? Graceful in panic. It makes me think of how acting this way is a perfect time to show real faith rather than cowardly running in the opposite direction or getting upset from being caught off guard. Not needing to prepare for the worse when always reacting with grace.

Some words I found associated with grace: compassion, mercy, forgiveness, clemency, beauty, and elegance.

Fear

What is it? The actual definition. It controls most of our lives in a hazardous way. Fear is Satan's best friend. It prevents us from living life to the fullest. It even prevents us from glorifying God at some points.

Fear is:
-noun

(1)a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
(2)concern or anxiety; solicitude
(3)that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid
(4)reverential awe, esp. toward God

-verb
(1)to regard with fear; be afraid of.
(2)to have reverential awe of.

The first three of the definitions under nouns and the first of the two verbs are the definition of fear in its negative form. This is the type of fear that we allow to consume our minds. A fear of heights may prevent you from skydiving, jumping off a rope swing, or enjoying the view from the top of a lighthouse. The fear of being alone could make it to where you stop appreciating time alone or it could keep you in an unhealthy relationship. There are so many fears, want a glimpse of them? Well here is a list that is more like a dictionary of all the phobias people have: http://phobialist.com/. Here are mine: Acrophobia (heights), Aichmophobia (needles/shots), Dishabiliophobia (undressing in front of someone), Glossophobia (public speaking), and Iatrophobia (doctors). What are your fears? Tell me, I will pray for yours and you can pray for mine. Lets exterminate the fears of our minds and hearts. Fear is definitely a mind game. I want to beat these fears. I am going to. The list has already shortened as I used to be afraid of darkness. That one ended in middle school but I still have these other ones that I need to overcome.

Fear of Estonia. While in Estonia I will have the opportunity to nip two of these fears in the butt. Well, I might not fully rid of them however, I can take the first step.

First off: Fear of Public Speaking- I have never been skilled in this area. Before presentations, even in groups, I get nervous. A thin layer of moisture collects in my hands, my heart races, my breaths quicken, and sometimes I shake slighty. Once the presentation starts I talk incredibly way to fast, I cant look people in the eyes, and if i was trembling before, it becomes a full blown body shake. While in Estonia, we will form relationships with kids and we will get to lead them throughout the lesson plan for the week. For once I am not forced into a position where I have to speak publicly but I have willingly placed myself there. Pray that I rise to the occasion.

Secondly: Fear of Undressing in Front of Someone- You may be slightly confused. Trust me, so was I. You may think I am joking. But I assure you, I am not. While in Estonia there will be a part of the day called the Sauna. Here the boys and girls are separated (just to clarify in case some of you were slightly uneasy) and strip down to bare skin before entering into a sauna. Here, the participants engage in conversation which is said to be deep and heartfelt. When I was little I had kidney reflux disease. A catheter was to be put inside of me to follow my urinary tract to make sure that my kidneys were working properly. The doctors made my mom leave the room and not understanding what was happening as a three year old, I didnt understand why my mom couldnt stay. Multiple doctors had to hold me down on the table while this took place and needless to say, even at the young age of three, the experience is still engrained into my memory. For me, it was a traumatic experience. My mom and I determined this was where it started a couple of years ago. I have been slowly fighting to get over my fear of doctors but the phobia of undressing in front of someone is a completely different fear. Dont read this and think I want to go crazy and run all over the place undressed all of the time. But when it creates the symptoms of anxiety, its a problem. In Estonia it will be all girls. I shouldnt be afraid of all being undressed with other girls. There body is the same. There is no bad intention of the nakedness. I want to become more comfortable in my own skin, the beautiful body God gave me. I want to embrace it. This will be the harder of the two challenges but, I am done letting it stir up nervous and scared thoughts when I think about it.

What does the bible say about fear? Well each fear you have is like a chain holding you down. As Samantha Cole, a friend interning in Estonia for the whole summer, said "He broke your chains, so stop carrying them. You are free of that" With God there is no fear. Well, there doesnt have or need to be. We choose to let it stay when all we really have to do is let go.

"For God didnt give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control"
II Timothy 1:7

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me"
Psalm 23:4

"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, gives I to you. Don't let your heart be trouble, neither let it be fearful"
John 14:27