Perception

This was one of the objectives on my final exam in my MGT 3200 class this past Thursday.... The exam that wrapped up my semester. The end of that exam marked the beginning of dealing with the hurts of my heart; the feelings that I had buried so that I could focus on my life as a student athlete. So what is it? What is perception? Well, my teacher defined it as the ability to interpret and understand our environment. A dictionary would define it as the ability to recognize or become aware of.

So as I sit here, tears streaming down my face, I realize that I have a terribly twisted perception of love. The past two years I fell in love but no, not the love that makes you sigh in admiration. I fell in love with the guy I was dating based on the person he was rather than on a combination of that and the person he was to me. The past two years were full of hurt... they were full of never feeling loved, full of neglect, full of lies. They were full of everything a relationship should be without. My view of love was abandonment, betrayal, and living every moment wondering if the guy I gave my heart to was going to break up with me. It is actually simply pathetic. Now, when a guy gives me attention or compliments me on a regular basis I refuse to receive it. It seems strange and that, as what I have come to realize, is a shame. But you have to move on instead of wallowing and learning from your past can only make you stronger.

My bible and I have become strangers. Problem? Heck yes. It's almost 4 A.M. and I pull out my bible to pick up in Romans where I left off two months ago. Before I start reading all I can hear in my head is "Tricia, stop chasing the love of a man who has been the root of so much pain. I am here. I am enough. I love you and that will never change. I will not abandon you." Of course it made me cry harder but I am giving my hurts to God. These are the verses I am finding my peace in tonight:

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

Romans 8:18

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him."

Romans 8:28

Nothing will separate.

Romans 8:37-39