Spurts of Tears

I have been sitting here typing out what is on my mind and I have deleted everything I could come up with. There are no words to describe how I am really feeling I guess. It is one of those weeks that makes you realize how fragile and disposable we, as humans, are in our flesh. It is one of those weeks were you cannot stop thinking about how precious this life is along with the people in it after losing a relative. It is one of those weeks where you realize that grudges aren't worth it, especially when you come close to losing the person you are upset with as well.

Thank You God for e

nding Uncle Ralph's pain.

Thank You God for being miraculous.

Thank You for the comfort of your embrace.

Check It.

Another cool organization helping poverty internationally.

Krochet Kids International.

http://www.krochetkids.org/

Ghosts Upon the Earth

That is the title of Gungor's new album.

I went to their cd release concert.

It was one of the best concerts I have ever been to.

Great music, Glory to His Kingdom, and Simple Truths.

Buy it. Listen to it. Love it. Live it.

Some of the new favs:

"He see beauty in blemish."

"A heart that can't find its rhythm, finds a beat in His hands."

#totalYLmove

Thats Right.

We did it.

First Annual Skee Ball Tourney.

ANNDDD we almost got kicked out.

BUT statuses like this are what make leading with YoungLife so rewarding:

Marysa: "If there is one thing I will miss about high school, it will be Young Life."

Super Encouraging?

You Betcha.

Grace Like Rain.

"If you are depressed

You are living in the past.

If you are anxious

You are living in the future.

If you are at peace

You are living in the present."

Soliddddddd.

Proverbs 31:25

I stand firm in my father and the limitless love he so graciously bestows upon me daily.

31

31 New Members to the fam.

Welcome!

Rejoice!

Camps are over.

We have one week left in Estonia, 2011.

My head cannot wrap around that idea.

"Glorious One, Glorious One,

Light of the World,

You outshine the sun.

There is none more beautiful,

There is none more wonderful."

Beauty From Dust

We are in the midst of our last camp in the town of Viljandi. We have today and tomorrow left. This camp has been tough. Satan is lurching around the corner at all times attempting to discourage our team. In Viljandi there is a single church. Regular attendees are few and the youth is pretty wild. We have no rules such as no alcohol or smoking in the church facility and they really obey strictly to only the rules the way they have been said. Point: There was a student who came and left his six pack outside of the church door and whenever he would get thirsty he would disappear temporarily to take a swig. During the talks at main sessions students are constantly in and out. Most of them come to the church because they are bored but hey, at least they are choosing the church to come to. At least a seed can be planted. There is also a stronger language barrier here compared to that of the other campers. But despite all of this God makes us many promises and God can do wonderful things. Just like this song says "You(God) make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of the dust". The chorus doesn't end there though, it then says "You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us." He is molding and transforming our hearts throughout this camp as well. I truly believe that God is going to make a beautiful youth group in this town and that will church will grow.

As we go into these last two days bless the conversations, the last talk, the labyrinth, and the afterparty. Be apart of God making something beautiful out of the dusty town of Viljandi.

Prayer for Norway

This is on my heart so much because when I first heard about the tragic attacks I immediately saw all of my students from this summer and thought of all of the students in Josiah Venture and my heart was crushed. Sending mad prayer towards the people of Norway.

Thank You Francis Chan!!

My heart has been hurting for the brokenness of the world lately. Horrible things happen and like mentioned in this video, people, even Christians, are rejoicing and condemning them to hell. Right now this video describes how I feel about not only the Osama Bin Laden situation and the Casey Anthony Situation but about the Norway Domestic Terrorists attacks. Those people who were/ are responsible for such wicked things need Jesus so badly. My heart desperately hopes for Casey Anthony and Anders Behring Breivik that God may shed His true and pure light radiantly into their hearts.

"For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scripture

1 Corinthians 15:3

1 Timothy 1:14

The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

Going to bed with a heavy heart.

Sometimes, the world breaks me at the core.

Praying for people in general tonight.

In The Beginning...

Well, it started with a challenge. Viljar, one of my fellow interns, has challenged a few of the kids who know Christ from our last camp in Kuressaare to read the whole bible by January 1st. Well, after talking to Henry I decided that I would join in on the challenge. Well, I am sitting here reading Genesis One. I have discovered that I am probably not going to make it by the deadline but only because I want to really go into depth as I am going through the chapters. I have two different versions opened up on my computer and one of Arthur Pink's books opened as well. I have been spending all day reading about it.

Pink spends a good bit of time talking about the first two verses of the bible and how foreshadowing is already in the first two verses in relation to the fall of man and sin. Verse two said the earth is formless and empty in darkness however, "the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters".

So I read Pink's insight and kept reading the first chapter. I read the chapter in both NIV and in a Literal Hebrew translation.

As I was reading I noticed that "And there was evening and there was morning" is repeated after each of God's additions to the world. Something that really stood out to me was the fact that morning is always after evening. Morning here can refer to light and evening can refer to darkness. This makes it so that light comes after darkness. Light always prevails even after darkness. Because of the fact that it is repeated it is like God really wants us to remember that; He wants it to sink in that He, the light, always prevails. Then I was reminded of the end of Psalm 30:5 that says joy comes in the morning.

So that was my short revelation that is really quite simple but I really enjoyed the simplicity of such a strong message. My conclusion is that there is always joy to look forward to in Christ with each new day.

Soul Cries Out

Here We Go Again

My heart hurts.

I'm weak.

The only thing keeping my going right now is knowing that the Lord delights in my weakness because in them He is made strong.

We said goodbye to a majority of Kuressaare tonight.

The rest of the goodbyes will take place in a few hours at the bus station.

See on Nome.

(English Translation: This Sucks)

My heart aches to remain in Kuressaare the rest of the summer.

Pray that I can focus on Tartu, Parnu, and Viljandi.

That I can focus on God's needs in the three places I will be the remaining of the summer.

How hard it is to escape from places. However carefully one goes they hold you - you leave little bits of yourself fluttering on the fences - like rags and shreds of your very life. ~Katherine Mansfield

A Ripple

Okay, so its a "Hey Tricia, I am going to speak to you through Disney movies" kind of month and I have absolutely no problem with that. While in Tallinn with the first American team that arrived for their mini training I became really sick. My stomach was so bloated that I looked pregnant and nothing would get rid of it. Then the pain started... waves of it. It was definitely one of the most excruciating feelings I have e

ver felt. In an attempt to ease my mind of the hurt I began to watch Pocahontas. Mother Willow speaks to Pocahontas and John Smith about their about to be quarreling cultures and creates ripples in the water by dipping her vines. John Smith asks "What about them?" and Mother Willow's response is: "So small at first but look how they grow. But someone has to start them."

"How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written: 'How Beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!'" Romans 10:14&15

This is my prayer for all of my brothers and sisters in Christ tonight.

Start the ripple.

Start the revival.

Camp Mode

IT'S HERE!

I'M HERE!

BACK IN KURESSAARE!!

Camp felt like a dream the first day, I couldn't believe I was seeing all of those familiar faces again. It felt like the 11 months in between this time and the last time I saw them flew by.

This year camp is different. Due to multiple things that didn't go according to our plans we are hosting a "city" style camp. Instead of English Camp its more relational. We stay on the kids' home turf. During the day we play games, do activities, go to the local beach, etc. We eat at least a meal a day with everyone from camp. Then, at night, we do main sessions where the stories about God are told. After main session we break into small groups then hang out some more until it gets dark.... at midnight. Haha

40 KIDS CAME THE FIRST NIGHT plus some other people from the church!

30+ the second night!

Old friends AND new friends... new friends EVERY day!

Two weeks before the camp all of us were slightly panicked when registration for camp was still in the single digits. We started messaging kids like crazy trying to encourage their participation but due to the economy a lot of kids couldn't afford it this year. For those of you that don't know, Estonia switched from their own independent currency, Kroons, to the Euro. With this change an increase in price has also come about. Well, after talking and praying about it we were all led to the "city" style camp which would cater to more kids and kids' needs in general. English Camp just wasn't in God's plan this year for Kuressaare. He knew city camp would be bigger.

Early last year I wrote a post about being graceful in a time of panic; the way a deer always look graceful even when running from a car that almost hit it. I talked about how, as believers, we should be able to do the same: MAINTAIN GRACE. Well, I actually got to LIVE in a situation where our plans were far from ideal and where we had to depend on God. He gave us such peace about the situation and we all remained graceful, through him, in a time of panic.

My team is a blessing.

This "city" camp is a blessing.

Thank you God for showing us the perfectness of YOUR plans especially when we choose to follow you, putting our plans aside.

Renewed.

UNTangled

Man, its been a blog week already and its only Tuesday. Well, I already watched the movie Tangled twice. IT IS SO GOOD! And its even better when you look at it from a Christian perspective. Josh brought this to my attention about the most important song in the movie, the song above. The song talks about living in a fog, not really seeing the light. And the part of the song says "And its warm and real and bright and the world has somehow shifted. All at once, everything is different now that I see you, Now that I see you." So much truth. Life before God is not necessarily a life of darkness but its definitely not filled with light. The song can be viewed as the instant where a person's heart is changed and they accept Christ into their life; the moment they start seeing clearly. Once they see him.

But it doesn't end here. If you keep watching, the end scene mesmerized me. The princess, Rapunzel, had been stolen at infancy by a wicked and selfish woman who took advantage of the girl. In the last couple of minutes the girl returns, at the age of eighteen, to her parents, the king and queen. After being reunited it said "The kingdom rejoiced for the lost princess had returned." We do this when someone accepts Christ. We rejoice for our body has grown and our sister or brother is no longer lost. It also says "At last Rapunzel was home and she finally had a REAL family. She was a princess worth waiting for; beloved by all she led the kingdom with the grace and wisdom her parents did before her." I just loved what it said looking at it from a Godly perspective. She found a real family; we find real family in the body(family) of Christ. She was WORTH waiting for; God thinks all of us are worth it. She was beloved. We are His Beloved; He is ours. Then it goes even further by saying how she led her kingdom.... We are suppose to lead the body with the grace and wisdom of our father. Well, the grace and wisdom that it is possible for a person to show.

Disney just makes my heart so happy.

God makes my heart even happier when He uses small things like this to teach me.

Whoever said fairy tales aren't true... Well, I think you are a liar.

With Christ fairy tales were made possible.

I am living in mine.

Meet Betti

Well, this is my dear friend Betti! Isn't she gorgeous? AND you haven't even heard her voice yet. I will eventually get a video up sometime. But let me tell you something about Betti... She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met. Even when she speaks in Estonian I know she is speaking with the most tender and caring words possible. She loves serving the Lord and is definitely a rockstar in God's eyes when she is leading worship or just playing in her spare time. Plus, she is a great teacher. I had my first lesson with her yesterday... It was great. Encouragement flows from not only her lips but just from a simple smile flashing on her pretty face.

I love my intern team.

More to come!

And a Mystery it will Remain

Yesterday was just like every other typical day.

(Ignore that fact that most people aren't in Blestonia doing a missions internship)

But we were on the bus on the way to the office when this sweet older woman got onto the bus.

Let me tell you something... this woman was RAVISHING; grey hairs, wrinkles, etc.

Well, she tenderly grabbed my arm and began to speak in Estonian.

I simply smiled a big smile from cheek to cheek and politely said "Sorry, I don't understand"/

Welp, she unfortunately didnt speak English..

But she kept speaking in Estonian with a big smile on her face almost to the point of tears..

And then we had to get off.

Its like the story in John 8 about the adulterous woman.

Jesus bent down and wrote in the sand.

Gahh, sometimes I wish the bible would elaborate on that part.

BUT we just aren't suppose to know some things.

That gives us room to find peace in God and in our faith that we put in HIm.

When I think about it though...

I feel like nothing but encouragement or compliments came from the older woman's lips.

I felt so blessed afterwords.

And forever a mystery it will remain.

Prayer for Kuressaare

The camp that stole my heart last summer.

The camp was moved this year from the end of July to the end of June.

The American team can't come.

A lot of the kids from last year can't come because it was switched so late.

Some kids can't afford it.

Pray that God will provide for the kids that can't afford it.

Pray that God will bring who He wants to the camp.

Pray for the new relationships that will be made.

Pray that we do not get discouraged if the things don't go how we were planning.

Pray for God to work in HUGE ways.

I think He will.

Romance Me, Oh Lover of my Soul

A Widow's Might

Luke 21:1-4

I love this passage.

A widow giving her two mites, all she had, to the Lord.

(Sorry in advance Mom for mentioning it)

But thanks to Mere I think I might have figured out what I want a tattoo of.

Two Mites.

On both of my wrists.

One in almost perfect condition.

One eroded and weathered.

Of course, I haven't gotten them (Take a deep breath of relief Turd).

I am waiting to see what profession God actually ends up leading me to.

But I would get them on my wrists because I couldn't ignore them.

They would be a reminder to work hard.

When you are at your most joyous moments in life (the close to perfect condition)

or

In the biggest struggles of life, the storms (The weathered mite).

Plus, if you have read my other posts then you would know I grew up around coins.

My father and grandfather are Numismatists and own a coin store.

Multiple Meanings close to the heart.

BOOM.

Maybe one day.

Psalm 16:1-2

"I love the Lord because he hears my voice and prayer for mercy.

I will pray as long as I have breath."

Stormy Weather

Estonia has been storm central this week.

Its been rather enjoyable though, a good break from the heat.

In church this past Sunday in Tartu, Craig, an American

Missionary living here, gave the lesson about Matthew 8:23-27. He spoke about how the storm of life; about how just because there is a storm around us does not mean that there had to

be one internally. That was like a slap to the face. I guess you could say I had my own personal storm this past semester. I let the storm around me become one inside of me instantly. "You of little faith" was unfortunately something God could have said to me. Luckily, God is doing great things and providing opportunity to heal while here in Estonia.

Storms vary per person though, so now is where I ask that you

pray for two of my dear friends who I met through my Estonia experience last

year: Sam Sam and Bethany.

My prayer for them is that they believe with their hearts what Psalm 9:10 says about how the Lord never forsakes those who seek Him. That in the midst of chaos and situations that our minds cannot grasp understanding that we hold onto Him. That we choose to maintain light in our lives despite darknesses' attempts to invade our joy.

Meet Carolyn!

Another newly found friend from my prayer group in Malenovice.

Carolyn is is beautiful both on the inside and outside.

Her heart is clearly that of a servants.

She is serving in Czech this summer.

She is from Colorado and has a much larger family than mine, which is crazy awesome.

One thing Carolyn asked for prayer about is a group called Inner Varsity the she is involved with and that there is growth in the ministry!

Predestination

is honestly something I have never understood. So, I have committed to myself that I am going to research about the different views on it and become as knowledgeable as possibly on the topic. In the end, although it is only the beginning, I feel like I will come to the conclusion that maybe it is something we, as humans, were never meant to understand. My search has started by reading the bible, looking up calvinism, arminianism, etc., and by reading Love Wins.

I just want to be enlightened.

Meet Jimmy

Well, here we go.

This is the first of this years introductions for the people I meet.

This is Jimmy or James is his real name!

Jimmy was in my morning devotional prayer group while in Malenovice.

He is a fellow Josiah Venture intern serving in Poland for the summer.

He, like myself, served for two weeks last year on a temporary team and returned as intern this year after completely loving the work being done over here.

He has a great heart, makes people laugh, and is from California.

We totally bonded over raspberries.

Jimmy asked for prayer in terms of perseverance for when the summer gets tough.

He also asked for prayer in reference to guidance from God about if he should serve full time in the near future. Pray that God lets him focus on the tasks day by day this summer and when his summer service is completed that God makes it evident if full time missionary work is where Jimmy is suppose to be!

Write Me!

So I have the address of my summer apartment:

Jenny Djupsjobacka

Turu 29a20

50106 Tartu

ESTONIA

Keep it titled to Jenny

Write your information in the top left hand corner so I know its for me!

If you write me, I promise to write back!

Colossians 4:2-6

"Devote Yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in Chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act towards outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation always be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

Amen

G.R.A.C.E

God's

Riches

At

Christ's

Expense

Ephesians 1:7

Seated, Not Standing

Everytime I open up my laptop to blog about the information I am learning, my mind draws a blank. Because I cannot think of anything off of the top of my head? No, because there is TOO much going through my head. We open up the morning with a devotional followed by two lessons related to the components of the English Camps we will be hosting and wrapped up at the end of the day with the main study of Ephesians.

This morning Nate Hughes spoke about Ephesians 2:11-22. The past couple of nights Dave Patty, one of J.V.'s founders, has been speaking about where we were before Christ and who we are with Christ. Before Christ we were dead, disobedient, lost, alienated, and alone. Because of Christ we are holy, redeemed, blessed, chosen, blameless, sealed, predestined, forgiven, included in Christ, etc. We are deemed these things not because we actually earned them but because they were characteristics given to us from our Father. Verse Six goes to say "And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms." At this point we were given a visual of two chairs, one of which we are suppose to be seated. Dave talked about how we are seated there because of Christ and we can choose to turn from God but we are still always seated the same distance from God... right next to Him. So, now that you are with a little background the lesson of this morning: We are all seated on the same throne next to God. In saying this it is meant that we are all sharing the same seat; that we are all one body and never, ever alone. Nate then gave five places where there should be "profound difference" in our lifestyle.

1. Comparison/Inadequacy: Because we are one our gifts belong to our brothers/sisters just as their gifts are ours so celebration should be had instead of comparison.

2. Competition: In Christ, we are all winners in every situation.

3. Independence: We were built to work in cohesion. Romans 12 speaks of the church as one body with many members each functioning in a different way but when not in unison failure is the result. We have to depend on one another and need to learn how to embrace it just as we are completely dependent on God.

4. Opennes: Through Christ's security we can trust Him and our body with our vulnerability.

5. Distance: We are "seated corporately in Christ" so that protective barrier of distance that so many of us latch onto needs to be diminished.

Nate wrapped up the lesson by saying that in Christ these things should fade away. I know there is work that I can do in each of these areas as I am sure is the case for most of you as well.

End Note: In the bible most of the time Christ is with people and is rarely alone. Aren't we suppose to strive to be like Him?

Paint a Picture

Let me paint a picture of what I saw tonight.

A picture can't/wouldn't capture it so my hope is that words can do it a little more justice.

After training/dessert(Yes, we get rewarded with dessert after the main session every night. Deliciousness.) a few of our group members walked out on the balcony. Gah, I need to get pictures up of it. You would absolutely die of jealousy.

Okay, so look at the picture in the middle of the paragraph.

The small portion in the lower right hand corner of the hotel is where the balcony is. So, like I was saying, we go out after training. Training starts around 7 PM and by the time we got out there it was a little past 10. The sky is that in between. The sun is no longer visible but blackness has not yet taken over. A deep, rich, and royal navy blue, if you will. I wish I had a picture of

the view looking the opposite way.

Imagine endless rolling mountains that almost look like rippling waves. Well, at night, their outline is evident against the navy sky. The surrounding cities' buildings at this time are only noticeable due to the specks of light illuminating each of them. So, I stepped on this balcony, took in a deep breath of the cool refreshing mountain air, and a rush of giddy, joyful emotions overtook my spirit. Due to the air separating me from the scenery I was gazing into, the lights glistened gracefully in the night's peacefulness. It was a scene most girls dream about, especially growing up in the Disney Realm. I told Andrus it would be the perfect place to have a first dance after a wedding. God's intricately painted canvas right in front of me. Finally, I got my chance to bask in His glorious creation. And to think, this is only is Earthly masterpiece.

Armas

Or "Sweet" in Estonian.

Vahur, Riina, Betti, Andrus, and Innar are teaching us random words in phrases.

That in itself is sweet.

Plus, I didn't know what to title this blog post.

There is so much information flowing through training that I do not even know where to begin.

I think I am going to keep this one simple because I really want to go to sleep.

I have lied to you.

Yup, I said it.

But this lie was unintentional.

As we are sitting in the training room the first night for the Josiah Venture story they give the summer interns a few facts overall as the opening.

This post is just about the opening.

We were told the average percent of the populations in Eastern Europe that J.V. serves in of believers in 1%.

In my letters I wrote of how that is the case for Estonia as well.

Welp, it is a mere .3%

So, my dear friends, you can see how my heart was a little broken.

Good thing the facts are straight now.

The difference between nonbelievers (not in all cases, but in most) in the States and in Estonia is drastic. I feel as if hearing the good Word of God back home is so much easier. The resources are abundant; with churches around every corner. I also feel that those resources are taken for granted because many Americans know of God even if they choose not to KNOW Him. Here, these resources are lacking. Most Estonians haven't chosen to ignore Him or believe in something else but, they do not have enough sources for that light to be shed to them in further depth. I think this is why I love serving here so much. Although Estonians have shells that are much harder to crack than then average American, they have such a willingness and open heart when it comes to hearing about Jesus. So, when you put the two together how can it not tug at your heart? These great and beautiful people want to know more they just need the resources whether it be in the building of churches, the printing of bibles, the serving of people, etc. If it doesn't break your heart I am sure it breaks mine enough for the two of us.

Goodnight my friends.

Another long and intense, yet wonderful day here in Malenovice, Czech Republic awaits.

Finally Here

We landed safely.

The past two days were spent in Prague and Poland.

We had an almost nonstop Amazing Race from the moment we landed.

Lessons Learned in the Czech Republic:

1. Finding Nemo lied. Fish are NOT your friend... they are solely food. Just ask the one who were biting my blister during my FISH pedicure.

2. Harry Potter make trains look way cooler than they really are. Maybe it was only because we rode it for five hours in the middle of the night... our only chance to sleep the second night.

3. Sketchy people are even sketchier when you cannot understand them.

4. Gamecocks fans are EVERYWHERE. Chase helped a sister out during our Kofola challenge.

5. Whoever invented the Stairmaster definitely did so after visiting Eastern Europe.

6. Czech has Burger King, McDonalds, Subway, TGIFridays, Starbucks, and Hooters.

7. Meredith secretly wants to be Avatar.

8. I have never been this physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted in such a short period of time. NOT KIDDING.

9. God, you are too funny.

10. Its okay not to shower for four days.

Eagerly Awaiting

For my trip there is a huge decision that may or may not have been made already and I am eagerly awaiting the answer.

My verse of patience and the verse I will have to pull strength from if the decision is not what I want to hear:

2nd Corinthians 4:1

Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.

Reputation

The past couple of weeks I have been working in the shop my family owns in Augusta. Cleins Rare Coins. My Grandpa bought it almost eleven years ago and my dad went into business with him two years ago. Owning a coin shop was both of their dreams and the shop has seen me grow up just as I have watched the overall business grow.

So, why is this worthy of a blog post? Well, God can use anything or anyone to reveal aspects of himself to us or to simply prove a point. For me, God chooses random moments.... most of the time moments when God is one of the last things on my mind. Moments where my mind is preoccupied. But random and I go together.. we are basically best friends.

I have been working in the coin shop the last couple of weeks because the end of May means A LOT of free time that I am not use to. School Ends. Track Season Ends. Young Life Ends. All that is left in my typical routine is eating and sleeping. Because of this it was the prime time to work in the shop. I am a busybody. I love having things to do. I would rather have a packed schedule with no spare time than have nothing to do. Another reason to work in the shop was to save money for my trip to Estonia this summer. Wow. it feels surreal writing that because a little over a year ago I was creating this blog and writing my first post about my first trip to Estonia. Anyways, I don't like asking my parents for money. Never have. I like being independent BUT with choosing to do track while in school I am prevented from having a job. Don't get me wrong.. its doable. And I did do it the first year but it was too taxing on my body. So all the money I have been making is going towards my trip.

One of my tasks at the shop last week was to count wheat cents. For those of you that do not know what those are they are a type of penny but instead of being worth that of a penny they are worth four cents a piece. Fortunately, I did not have to count them by individually handling each one because my grandpa, Daddy Wayne, has this old school electronic coin counter/divider and it is tha bomb! Plus, there were over 200,000 of the wheat cents and that would have sucked without the counting equipment.

Easy job. right? Wrong. There are different pennies. Lincoln Memorial Pennies. Wheat Cents. Indian Head Cents. Etc. While unraveling the seemingly never ending rolls of pennies I had to watch out to make sure only wheat cents were being counted. If Lincoln Memorial pennies were mixed in the bags of wheat cents somebody could easily be cheated of money. Well, after getting in a groove and not seeing anything but wheat cents I stopped making sure. I got careless. I watched myself empty a coin roll of Lincoln Memorial Pennies right on top of the stack being counted. I knew I had to go through what was in front of me and pick them out. After all, Daddy Wayne's reputation, along with my dad's, was on the line. Then BOOM. God chose a random moment. I thought about it and I realized this lesson can be applied to the way a lot of believers live. We get comfortable and get careless. We may think we are in a place where reading the bible can't help us anymore so we stop diving into God's word. We might become more lenient of what we see as right and wrong. In doing this, we could unintentionally hurt God's reputation in the eyes on nonbelievers. Just like I know I do not want to ruin my grandpa or dad's reputations, I certainly do not want to ruin that of the Father's. So I guess at this point you can ask yourself the same questions I asked myself: Am I too comfortable? Am I making time for God to pour His Word into my life? Have I gotten too lenient?

That is all.
Funny how a valuable lesson can be learned from something of minimal value.
Just like God's perfection is portrayed in an imperfect world.

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get the crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."

1st Corinthians 9:24-27

Branches

"You do not support the root,

but the root supports you."

As I continue reading in Romans I am reminded of simple things that I once knew that I have not considered lately. My heart and my faith have not been in sync for a majority of the semester. Chapter Eleven of the book of Romans talks about the roots and branches of trees. I have ignored my roots, my heart for the Lord, causing my nourished branches to become shaky and weak. A tree's life depends on the strength of the roots. The roots are, for the most part, hidden beneath the surface of the Earth just as a person's heart is confined inside the body. What is seen by people from the outside are the tree's trunk/branches and the person's actions. In order to thrive we cannot ignore our roots. We must acknowledge them and cling to them in hardship. In doing this, we will be seen as God wants us to be seen, as his servants.

Perception

This was one of the objectives on my final exam in my MGT 3200 class this past Thursday.... The exam that wrapped up my semester. The end of that exam marked the beginning of dealing with the hurts of my heart; the feelings that I had buried so that I could focus on my life as a student athlete. So what is it? What is perception? Well, my teacher defined it as the ability to interpret and understand our environment. A dictionary would define it as the ability to recognize or become aware of.

So as I sit here, tears streaming down my face, I realize that I have a terribly twisted perception of love. The past two years I fell in love but no, not the love that makes you sigh in admiration. I fell in love with the guy I was dating based on the person he was rather than on a combination of that and the person he was to me. The past two years were full of hurt... they were full of never feeling loved, full of neglect, full of lies. They were full of everything a relationship should be without. My view of love was abandonment, betrayal, and living every moment wondering if the guy I gave my heart to was going to break up with me. It is actually simply pathetic. Now, when a guy gives me attention or compliments me on a regular basis I refuse to receive it. It seems strange and that, as what I have come to realize, is a shame. But you have to move on instead of wallowing and learning from your past can only make you stronger.

My bible and I have become strangers. Problem? Heck yes. It's almost 4 A.M. and I pull out my bible to pick up in Romans where I left off two months ago. Before I start reading all I can hear in my head is "Tricia, stop chasing the love of a man who has been the root of so much pain. I am here. I am enough. I love you and that will never change. I will not abandon you." Of course it made me cry harder but I am giving my hurts to God. These are the verses I am finding my peace in tonight:

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

Romans 8:18

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him."

Romans 8:28

Nothing will separate.

Romans 8:37-39

Awaiting

“At the time, my life just seemed too complete, and maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.” ~Chuck Palahniuk in Fight Club

Joy is Resurfacing

My Young Life kids bring me joy.

Something I realized when I was considering stepping out of my volunteer position.

But I was reassured this past Monday that it is where I need and want to be.

Quote of this weeks club:

(Senior Club)

"Jon King, Where are you going to college?"

Jon King's response:

"You guys, I'm not going to college anymore.... Now that I got my Chacos I just wanna go... outside"

Here I Am

It's 2:27.

I am in the middle of working on an operations analysis that is due tomorrow.

Procrastination at its finest, my friends.

The only thing I can think about: soil.

Soil? Yeah, soil.

Last week I had a conversation with a dear friend about the parable of soil.

How each of us can relate.

Rocky.

Thorny.

Hard.

Good.

I can relate to all of the first three lately.

My friend called me out.

For that, I thank him.

He said he feels like I am closest to rocky at this point.

Although my faith had been uprooted I subconsciously tried to runaway from it.

But I am done running.

He told me to begin reading Luke and so I did.

Within the first portion I knew it was a good beginning point on the road to redeeming the faith I knew, felt, and experienced back in Estonia last summer.

The writer is addressing Theophilus.

I am a huge nerd so I had to look up the person.

There is no specific face to match to the name but more of a meaning to the name.

There are two meanings:

Friend of God or Loved by God

Being loved by God you are a friend of God whether you want to be or not.

It is written to everyone who reads it, especially those in rocky soil.

The first portion ends with "so that you may know the certainty if the things you have been taught."

If something is certain then it cannot be less certain at a later time.

Someone in rocky soil is uprooted in the hard times.

I am going to focus on deepening my roots to a point where nothing can uproot them.

"Blessed is she who had believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished."

Lately

This song explains my heart.

But its time to stop merely holding on. I need to address the issues on my heart that I have intentionally been avoiding for the past two months. Its going to hurt but in the end it will lead me to feeling joyous again instead of just the on the surface happy I have been feeling. I have made myself numb to extreme emotions and it has cause my heart to be out of alignment with my faith. This has gotta stop.

Psalm 55:22

Cuh Winky Dink

“To let go of someone doesn’t mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find their own happiness without expecting them to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but is also setting yourself free from all the bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart. Do not let the bitterness take away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you; but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it.”

M.I.A.

Missing in Action.

That's what I have been the past couple of weeks.

Life has been busy.

Take that back.. Extremely busy.

So I am going to give you the spark notes version with pictures.

I had my night in Estonia dinner.

My family was extremely supportive.

The dinner was a huge success.

My dear friend Andrus was in the states.

My heart was overwhelmed with the amount of joy he brought into my day.

We went to my home church, to Taco Mac, a KSU Baseball game, and to Passion City.

It was grand.

And to think, I get ten weeks like it this summer.

Bethany visited me in Kennesaw.

Although only for a night it was such a relief to have her here.

Her heart is close to identical to mine in many areas of life.

We are blunt with one another but also know how to be tender with each other's hearts.

The day was spent strolling the square, playing with puppies, and watching soccer at the Nest.

I have had three track meets in the past two weeks.

Georgia Tech, U of Alabama, and Georgia Tech again.

Tomorrow we leave for Auburn.

At the first Tech meet I had a pretty ro

ugh hurdle wipeout.

Marks are still in the healing process on my knee, thigh, hip, and elbow.

I am officially one of the girls people laugh at in YouTube videos.

No Big Deal.

I still got up and ran the race.

Also, at Bama we did our first Hep and I got a 7 second PR in the 800... FINALLY

Multis Family on our Bama adventure:

My javelin buddy at Tech:

Catching up with friends and renewing relationships with them.

Went to my first Hawks game with the Brown girls!

And lastly, putting my precious little hoochie mama to sleep.

Sunnie was diagnosed with having Diabetes in December.

Two nights ago she had a stroke.

Yesterday, due to my parents being in Baltimore, I drove to Alpharetta to meet my brother, his girlfriend, and my aunt at the vet to say goodbye.

Sunnie has been a part of the family since I was in first grade.

She was the houdini dog and could get out of anything.

It's going to be tough going home and not having her there.

But the saddest thing about it was letting Frankie (her puppy Biffle and brother) have closure.

We brought him in and went her walked up to her body after he gave her a big puppy kiss.

The only difference between this time and all the previous ones the past 13+ years was that she couldn't and would never again kiss back.

A series of whines followed, breaking my heart even more, so I took Frank to my apt in Kenny for a sleepover.

R.I.P. Sunshine

I will miss you forever.

Chase those squirrels in heaven!!

Wish

Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it’s right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you’re wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it. With all your heart.

One Tree Hill

A Happy Heart

Day 5: Something that makes you smile.

A lot os little things make me happy. Most of these things are items from my childhood; items that remind me of life at its simplest.

Coloring books.

New crayons and markers.

You could color a dog purple and yellow and nobody would question it because it was being creative.

Spiderman or Princess Band-aids.

I don't know about you but the worse cuts and "boo-boos" I got when I was a little girl could be healed with a kiss from momma and a cool band aid to go with it.

Popsicles.

The refreshing treat reminds me of a good day of playing in the yard, usually resulting in half of the actual popsicle dripping down my hands and arms.

Disney Movies.

For some reason they never fail to empty my head and my heart of all negative emotions. I can watch them over and over and they never get old. Classsssic.

Nintendo 64.

That's right. Mario Party. Pacman. Mario Kart. 007. You name it. Bringin' it back.

I miss childhood just as much as my mom does. Momma, you probably don't realize that.

It went by way too quickly, BUT the thought of reliving these things with kids of my own one day makes me excited.

Half of My Heart

I am starting to appreciate what John Mayer says in the chorus of this song.

You did the right thing.

Influential Moments

Day Four: Four Moments That Changed Your Life

So I haven't forgotten about this thing... I have actually pulled up the draft of this message almost every day since I was supposed to post day four.

1.My Papaw's death. There is a past blog about this but I will give a little refresher. My grandpa found out two years ago that he had lung/liver cancer and passed away six months later. His sickness made me see things God has to offer. It was the first time I had ever asked God for something even though it would hurt me. I prayed for God to take Papaw up to heaven sooner than later if he was not going to get better. Within that weekend the prayer was answered. I learned the reality of rejoicing in suffering. My Papaw was saved through his cancer.

2. When I got my second piercing in my ears. I am terrified of needles. I use to cry at even the thought of them and sometimes still do. The first holes were done when I was really young so I don't really remember getting them. This was the first time I made a decision and faced a fear with boldness. I didnt even cry.

3. In Estonia the day Henry accepted Christ. I have never felt joy at the such an extreme intensity other than that day. It was an amazing feeling. Tears of joys burst through my eyes. Henry was the first person that I ever witnessed and helped God guide to accepting Christ as their savior.

4. The day I decided to do joint enrollment. At the time I was running away from my problems in high school but it ended up being a part of God's plan to get my life headed in the right direction. Through my decision I met a group of people that helped me take the first step towards having a real relationship with God. Sometimes God uses running away for a purpose.

Little Talks

Life as a child

Day One: A belief specific to childhood

I will always be my parent's princess. Okay, so I am not going to be unrealistic and say that I am going to delight in materialistic marvels or that I want to be spoiled rotten or that I want to be swept off of my feet by a perfect "knight in shining armor"; but I am saying that I want my life to be as realistically close to a fairy tale as possible.

I believe in love. I believe in an unconditional love with no restraints; a love that has expectations but that realizes that people fail. This love is evident in the purest form through God and secondly in my family. The man I marry will know this love and will show it daily. He will not be perfect but he will be an amazing blessing when our paths cross.

My fairy tale life has already started. It started the day God blessed me with my birth being into a family that is like no other. It has continued through the amazing friends I have had in "pretty school", elementary school, middle school, and high school. College elevated my fairy tale to a whole new level of captivation. I go to Kennesaw State, a school that is amazing despite the misconception people have of it being dull or boring. I have two different forms of family here, both track and through the brothers and sisters of Christ I have found here. I have family all over the country and now even in Europe. God is revealing beauty to me in every day even now as a 20 year old. I will never believe in fairy tales in the unrealistic Disney way but I will ALWAYS believe that life is magical. "All people die but not everyone lives" is not a quote that will be applied to my life by anyone. My life will be filled with laughter, smiles, and joy; it will be filled with moments that take my breath away and experiences that put butterflies in my stomach. My life will not be average.