Broken

I cannot spend too much time on here tonight because tomorrow we send the campers home. Right now I am sitting with Mere, Bethany, and SamSam. We are righting letters for the mailboxes each camper has. Last night was the best night of my life. I am not saying it like other people though. The words that I said are a genuine, honest, and true statement. It was the GREATEST night of my life thus far. God gave me the opportunity to witness someone accepting Christ. He allowed me to be the one to help him through it. His name is Henri and I am so proud of him. When he made the decision we were in the middle of a thunderstorm. The lights were off and after he said he accepted Christ there was a flash of lightening. The joy in his face was indescribably. After praying with him I couldn't stop crying.

Tonight we had a labyrinth for the campers. There were seven stations, the last being that they could light a candle on a cross and make a decision to accept Christ. The American Team knew that the labyrinth was going to make emotions surface but we were no where close to being prepared for what God had in store for the night. I cannot write about all of it on my blog because there is too much but, our new Estonian friends opened up. They poured out their hearts, believers and non believers alike. Half of my night was spent in tears. Tears of happiness, anger, hurt, sympathy, etc. A blog post cannot do tonight justice when it comes to an explanation. But the night became even more incredible. More than half of the room joined in prayer and song and dance. There was straight up heartfelt worship for 4+hours, not including the main session and labyrinth itself. The holy spirit filled the room.

"This is no longer English Camp but God's camp" -Janos

We were all feeling extremely weak Sunday night. I thought I was alone in the feeling but the feeling was mutual among all of us. Yesterday when talking with Riine we mentioned 2nd Corinthians 12:9-10 we did think about it in reference to ourselves but God hit us real hard with that verse this week. He used our weakness to bring glory to His kingdom.

If you want to know more details about the past two nights specifically lets talk in person. Coffee date. Lunch date. You name it.

Meet Irrene

If you are looking at my blog it more than likely means that you are close enough to me to know I am on a mission trip in Estonia right now. Well Meet Irrene (I might have killed the spelling of her name). Irrene is one of the campers in my small group. Let me tell you something about her: She is beautiful physically and spiritually. Today, she opened up to Sam and I about how her heart is broken for her friends that do not know Jesus. It brought her to tears and she was ashamed of her tears. We explained to her that her hurt is out hurt; that when one part of the body suffers, the whole body suffers. If you are reading this I am asking you to pray, whether you are reading this while I am actually in Estonia or even if it is after I have returned home. Pray for Irrene that she finds confidence knowing that she is a light. Pray that she trusts in God to give her the courage to speak up when He needs her to. Because God's timing is perfect pray that she also trusts that when He gives her the opportunity to disciple she does so with boldness. Sam and I both know God has great plans for this young woman.

Joy

The pictures below: The first one is during the camp dance. The second is pins we made. The left one says "Go fart in the corner". Gross, I know, but they really like fart jokes. The one on the right means "Shut up" followed by Americans are cool. Im pretty sure most of them think we are wild and crazy (in a fun way). Then the last one is during a game at main session.

Joy is the main word I would use to describe the camp so far. There is so much of it. God's presence is evident. I honestly can say I have not felt this kind of happiness in a long time, maybe not even ever. That doesnt mean that I am not happy though. I have a great life, great family, and great friends. Its a different type of joy. A group of strangers came together two days ago and I feel like I have known all of these people for so long.

NEVER stop spreading the good news

We barely have service at camp but I found it long enough to do a quick update. Last night was the camp kick off. They campers arrived, we played games, ate dinner, and hung out. When I asked God to challenge me He definitely kept it in mind. The first small group session was extremely disheartening. We were prepared for campers that are not believers and prepared for one sided conversations. Well, last night I felt like a failure because everything that I had prepared for in the conversation wasn't really relevant because all of the people in my group are already believers AND were quiet. I went to sleep last night feeling incapable.

This morning I woke up and the emotion of doubting that I can do this was still lingering. We went to breakfast then had main session followed by small groups. Right before main session started I read in Acts 5 that we should never stop spreading the good news that Jesus is Christ. Thanks for the slap in the face God. I needed that one. Anyways, the verse was super encouraging. The lesson this morning was about Rahab and how God used her to bring His glory. In small groups we discussed her courage and bravery. She risked it all; she risked her life. God used a prostitute serve Him. He will use anyone He wants to. What people think is impossible, He will make impossible. After discussing the days lesson we talked about what we want this week from our group. We decided that each of us will share our testimony and we will all pray together. I went first, stepping way out of my comfort zone. I am also not big on praying out loud over people but when everyone is our group did, leaving me out, I knew I had to. Another good challenge. Afterwards I talked to Sam about what I had been struggling with internally. She is such encouraging person and pulled me further out of my slump. I love her so dearly and we have only been hanging out four days.

Today my group was in the Superhero English Environment which was a blast. Triinu, one of the girls in my group, and I created Princess Cookie, our hero. Haha. We played volleyball America vs USA.... we were losing so bad that they were giving us pity points. Then volleyball turned into dart volleyball. SO AWESOME. The whole "not speaking any Estonian" thing... not happening. Its awesome but weird at the same time, especially if you are the only American around.

Well, its time to get off and get ready for dinner.

Love everyone that is keeping updated!!

Redeem

Today was training in Tallinn. This is going to be short post because I really want to play phase 10 right now. So here are my random statements that made up my day.

Our Estonia leaders are SO amazing and talented.

Redeem is the theme of our camp.

God already began challenging me. I am so thankful.

Forrest Berries: YUMMM.

Andrus and I downed a liter of milk in less than ten minutes.

I have had more Coke(the drink) since I have been here than I have had the past few years combined.

Blueberry Crunch White Chocolate is one of my new favorite candies.

Goodnight.

Love you guys!

The blog posts this week will be more in depth.

God and Gifts

After a nine hour flight to Frankfurt, a four hour layover, and a two hour flight to Tallin WE HAVE ARRIVED. This post is going to be my first journal entry which was on the first portion of the flight. Haha, I didnt even make it to Estonia before God was already at work. He is THAT good.

So, we are on the flight watching movies and talking when we notice this guy creeping on people in the back(we didnt know if he actually knew the people or not but it turns out he did). Anyways, I started being a goof, messing around, making odd faces whenever he would look our direction. Then when he began walking towards the back of the plane, returning to his seat, I noticed he had a KSU Day shirt on. KSU? As in Kennesaw State University? Where I go? I couldn't believe it. I mean, yeah the starting point was in Atlanta but I wondered what the odds were of another Kennesaw student going to Germany on the same day. Anyways, about an hour later I had to go to the bathroom. I was going to try to avoid using the airplane potty but I guess God really wanted me to walk up to the bathroom at that time so He made the urge INTENSE. Haha, sorry if that is too much information. When I went up to the bathrooms that same guy was standing next to another lady. Not wanting to make it awkward I asked the obvious question "So, you go to Kennesaw?" His answer: yes. Duh Tricia. But the question turned into conversation and this is what I found out. The guy was with a group of people going on a misson trip with ISF meaning International Sports Federation. His trip was to Kazakistan where they were going to hold sports camps for kids. The woman standing next to him, whose name I found out was Cheryl, heads groups like this all throughout the year. The organization takes groups of people, particularly athletic teams, to run athletic camps in different countries. I mentioned being on the track team at KSU and Cheryl seemed pretty psyched, even more so after finding out that I want to go on a mission trip to Kenya in the future. She ended up giving me a brochure and they have a trip next summer in Kenya. CRAZY, right? I thought so. I have wanted to go to Kenya since I was in the 9th grade. I think there may be meaning to God's timing. I mean think about it... a mission in Kenya playing sports with kids? YES PLEASE. I'm in. Well, thats all I am going to say about that. After Estonia I am going to start praying about it.

Now, more about our first few hours in Estonia. We got here around 6 PM, 11 PM back in the ATL. Innar came and picked us up from the airport and took us back to our hotel to get settled in and freshen up before dinner. We are in Tallin for training tomorrow then going to camp Sunday morning. We walked to dinner from our hotel, the roads and buildings are GORGEOUS. The atmosphere is refreshing. The city is exhilarating. After dinner, we toured the city a little bit with Innar, Andres, and Sam. The tour was brief but we have next weekend to toodle some more after we debrief from camp. We just jammed a little to Andres playing the guitar in a mini worship sesh and now we are getting ready for bed.

Travelling complete.

First Night in Estonia: Fantastic.

Today was great.

God is greater.

And to my number one blog follower... I love you momma. =]

Estonia: I cannot wait to meet you tomorrow.

July 22nd, you are finally here. Today I finish the last of my finals for summer classes and head to the airport. Takeoff is around 6. Estonia HERE WE COME! This trip has been so highly anticipated since February that it doesn't seem real; dreamlike in a way... That is how good of a day today is and will continue being despite not being completely compared for my math final. Pray for that. Haha.

Anywho, our first flight is to Germany then next to Tallin, the capital of Estonia. We will train in Tallinn Saturday and head to camp in Kuressaare. Exciting, right? We are partnered with Josiah Ventures English camps along with the local church. Our job is to help the Estonian teens learn to interact using English, establish relationships with them, LOVE on them, and hopefully plant a seed of interest for Christ.

Tallin (The capital where training will be)

Kuressaare (The location of camp)

Pray that God uses us to take over these cities for his kingdom and that we bring Him glory in all of our words, thoughts, and actions while we are over there. We have heard some stories from Sam, the summer intern, who is over there. GOD IS MOVING. There is no doubt.

My Team:
Meredith DeAnda
Dillon Martin
Bethany Deskins
Michael Hartman

Thank you to everyone who has been praying and supporting us!
We would not be going without you guys.

Love One Another

"(16)This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his
life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.
(17)If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in but has no
pity on him, how can the love of God be on him? (18)Dear children, let us not love
with words or tongue but with the actions and in truth. (19)This then is how
we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in
His presence (20)whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our
hearts and He knows everything.
(21)Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God
(22)and receive from Him anything we ask because we obey his commands
and do what pleases him. (23)And this is his command: to believe in the name
of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded
us. (24)Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them.
And his is how we know that he lives in us: We know it
by the Spirit he gave us."

Yesterday I met Kelly DeWitt. We had lunch. We began our relationship as sisters in Christ. Let me tell you this: She is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. She invited me to her high school girls' bible study. We read the verses above (1 John 3:11-24). Kelly made it a point that "Love is commanded of us, not asked." A COMMAND. One straight from God, himself. Caroline, one of the girls, told us a quote she heard about love: "How can you love God who you cannot actually see if you cannot love the people of the world who you can see because they are tangible." I liked it, obviously because I can remember it and I also have it written down in my journal. If we believe in and love God, we can (and must with it being a command) love everyone else in the world. Yeah, people might be different or weird or they might have offended you or hurt your feelings... Get over it. Last fall at Midtown church in Columbia the preacher has a sermon series called Tranformation. He talked about our enemies and how the ultimate power against them is love follwed by forgiveness. You love because Christ died on a cross in the ultimate act of love dying for our sins... and our enemies sins. So if Christ has forgiven them why should we continue carrying negativity against them? We shouldnt. So forgive them. Get over it. Move on. LOVE.

Kelly also showed us the three promises of this passage:
1) Confidence in Christ (19-20)
2)Ask and Receive (22)
3)He Abides in Us, We in Him (24)

The Condition:
We Obey Him.
We forgive.
We know his power.
We love.
We Trust.

To Be Graceful In A Time of Panic

Okay, this may seem totally random. But hey, the word random is a prefect description of me, kinda like my parents thought it was totally random that I wanted to go to Estonia. So let's make random relevant.

Today when I was driving home from church I had to hit the breaks to prevent myself from becoming a bambi killer or as one of the guys from Blue Collar would say "making fast food from hitting a deer with his truck". There was nobody driving behind me so I just sat there and watched the deer jump off into the woods. At first, the deer had been walking slowly but when it recognized my car coming it sped up. By the time my car came to a complete stop it was off the road heading towards the trees. Like I said, I sat and observed it for a good thirty seconds until it disappeared. The deer went into a panic when recognizing my car. In the midst of panic I noticed that the deer remained graceful. I know I have probably rarely or never been graceful during trouble but what if I could act like that? What if that is how I act next time Satan attempts to stir up fear in a situation? And even is he is successful with fear, what if I stay strong with my faith and prevent it from prevailing? Graceful in panic. It makes me think of how acting this way is a perfect time to show real faith rather than cowardly running in the opposite direction or getting upset from being caught off guard. Not needing to prepare for the worse when always reacting with grace.

Some words I found associated with grace: compassion, mercy, forgiveness, clemency, beauty, and elegance.

Fear

What is it? The actual definition. It controls most of our lives in a hazardous way. Fear is Satan's best friend. It prevents us from living life to the fullest. It even prevents us from glorifying God at some points.

Fear is:
-noun

(1)a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
(2)concern or anxiety; solicitude
(3)that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid
(4)reverential awe, esp. toward God

-verb
(1)to regard with fear; be afraid of.
(2)to have reverential awe of.

The first three of the definitions under nouns and the first of the two verbs are the definition of fear in its negative form. This is the type of fear that we allow to consume our minds. A fear of heights may prevent you from skydiving, jumping off a rope swing, or enjoying the view from the top of a lighthouse. The fear of being alone could make it to where you stop appreciating time alone or it could keep you in an unhealthy relationship. There are so many fears, want a glimpse of them? Well here is a list that is more like a dictionary of all the phobias people have: http://phobialist.com/. Here are mine: Acrophobia (heights), Aichmophobia (needles/shots), Dishabiliophobia (undressing in front of someone), Glossophobia (public speaking), and Iatrophobia (doctors). What are your fears? Tell me, I will pray for yours and you can pray for mine. Lets exterminate the fears of our minds and hearts. Fear is definitely a mind game. I want to beat these fears. I am going to. The list has already shortened as I used to be afraid of darkness. That one ended in middle school but I still have these other ones that I need to overcome.

Fear of Estonia. While in Estonia I will have the opportunity to nip two of these fears in the butt. Well, I might not fully rid of them however, I can take the first step.

First off: Fear of Public Speaking- I have never been skilled in this area. Before presentations, even in groups, I get nervous. A thin layer of moisture collects in my hands, my heart races, my breaths quicken, and sometimes I shake slighty. Once the presentation starts I talk incredibly way to fast, I cant look people in the eyes, and if i was trembling before, it becomes a full blown body shake. While in Estonia, we will form relationships with kids and we will get to lead them throughout the lesson plan for the week. For once I am not forced into a position where I have to speak publicly but I have willingly placed myself there. Pray that I rise to the occasion.

Secondly: Fear of Undressing in Front of Someone- You may be slightly confused. Trust me, so was I. You may think I am joking. But I assure you, I am not. While in Estonia there will be a part of the day called the Sauna. Here the boys and girls are separated (just to clarify in case some of you were slightly uneasy) and strip down to bare skin before entering into a sauna. Here, the participants engage in conversation which is said to be deep and heartfelt. When I was little I had kidney reflux disease. A catheter was to be put inside of me to follow my urinary tract to make sure that my kidneys were working properly. The doctors made my mom leave the room and not understanding what was happening as a three year old, I didnt understand why my mom couldnt stay. Multiple doctors had to hold me down on the table while this took place and needless to say, even at the young age of three, the experience is still engrained into my memory. For me, it was a traumatic experience. My mom and I determined this was where it started a couple of years ago. I have been slowly fighting to get over my fear of doctors but the phobia of undressing in front of someone is a completely different fear. Dont read this and think I want to go crazy and run all over the place undressed all of the time. But when it creates the symptoms of anxiety, its a problem. In Estonia it will be all girls. I shouldnt be afraid of all being undressed with other girls. There body is the same. There is no bad intention of the nakedness. I want to become more comfortable in my own skin, the beautiful body God gave me. I want to embrace it. This will be the harder of the two challenges but, I am done letting it stir up nervous and scared thoughts when I think about it.

What does the bible say about fear? Well each fear you have is like a chain holding you down. As Samantha Cole, a friend interning in Estonia for the whole summer, said "He broke your chains, so stop carrying them. You are free of that" With God there is no fear. Well, there doesnt have or need to be. We choose to let it stay when all we really have to do is let go.

"For God didnt give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control"
II Timothy 1:7

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me"
Psalm 23:4

"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, gives I to you. Don't let your heart be trouble, neither let it be fearful"
John 14:27